I think the worst thing about being ghosted is realizing how easily letting you go is. I know that sounds like something a fragile ego would say but, I promise, this is a soul thing. The part of me that struggles to give and receive love is crashed, what do you mean you easily let go? You woke up some day and decided I wasn’t worth it? A last phone call, a last text message, a last lingering hug. Unaamka tu unaenda…
In case this if your first time reading from me, I do possess some level of self awareness. I know when I make mistakes and I can read the room( I can tell when a relationship is hanging by the threads).
Four people ghosted me this year. Should I categorize them from most important to least important? (This would do sooth my ego, but no, they all mattered to me. They were all important)
Being blocked and ghosted
*names have been changed
So, MarioN. I believe we, the people, have power and should speak up. Marion on the other hand, believed all leaders were corrupt. After the 2024 #RejectFinanceBill maandamano, I posted, “if you thought speaking up was useless, shame on you.” MarioN replied with a sticker, I replied with another, then crickets. A few days later I texted, crickets. A week later I asked if we were okay. Again crickets. The next day I woke up to a missing profile picture, to confirm I sent a new message and that one torturous grey tick. My best friend of five years had blocked me. Couple of hours later I sent her an SMS saying, one would think with those years of friendship and history, I deserved a proper goodbye. I never heard from her. And you know what, I respect her dedication, not only did she block me on Instagram, she also blocked my business accounts.
So, StaN. You remember that poem? Haha, yeah? The persons, woke up and decided that was that. I understand our relationship was strained after the poem, but, I didn’t think I deserved to be left in April. To my current lovers, if we cross and you want out, please can we have an exit interview. Please? It’s devastating to wake up to grey profiles.
So, KeV. Hehe! Uhm! So, I sort to intentionally date and the dates have decided (some) they don’t want this love. I’d say of all the dates I went to, I did enjoy the ones with Mr. Everything was in alignment, we discussed everything and anything including our retirement plans. I thought I found my soulmate. Favourite kiss of 2024 *wink*. One day KeV left Nanyuki for Nairobi around midday. That was the last I heard from him and of him. Before I realised I had been ghosted, I had called him and sent messages to check in, I genuinely thought he was in an accident. Uhm, turns out, my sauce wasn’t giving and an exit interview was too much. KeV , as much as it breaks my heart, ribs, and lips, I am glad you’re not my soulmate. Your height made me question if god was angry with me. Anyways, call me, I need a goodbye kiss.
So, FranK. I have two friends in Nanyuki , or so I thought. Laura and FranK. A couple of weeks ago, two of my loved ones were rushed to the hospital and admitted. It wasn’t thattt serious but it took a toll on me. At that moment, I needed my friends. I posted the heaviness of that moment on my Close friends (Instagram). Then later texted Frank (he’s not on the close friends, because that for the girls & gurls. Laura is) asked if he had a shoulder to lend. Ladies and gentlemen, gays and girls, short and tall people, he didn’t respond. And that’s okay, we are busy people. So, the next day, I see his place of work is open and I shoot him a text, are you around? nd calls, immediately. Let’s me know he’s not at the shop. I think, aight, so maybe he didn’t see my previous message Jana, but he definitely saw it today. The next day I think, oh, maybe he’ll pass by and lend the shoulder. Guys, guys. Uhm! 😬 Jioni comes and I text him this long paragraph:
Hi, I’ve sat with this for a minute now, so I’m certain it doesn’t come from a place of entitlement. When I sent you that message on Saturday, I knew you were away and I understand you might have arrived late and exhausted. But when I texted Jana kama uko kwa shop, you saw the message and responded. But you ignored the other one. I didn’t appreciate that… Lovely night!
8 days have passed since and he hasn’t responded. And you know what makes me giggle, FranK goes to church, I stopped. Almost every conversation we’ve had he romanticised the church. Like a month ago, I told him I stopped going to church because the church has never supported me. Glad to know I wasn’t worth a little hug🥹.
Advice that hasn’t been of help
– Better people are coming. Man, disrespectfully fuck the better people coming. I know every weed gone a flower sprouts, but have you considered maybe I like wild flowers?
– Move on/ give other people a chance. I sat down for hours mapping our lives and woke up ghosted. I spent hours helping someone pick their baby’s name and I woke up ghosted. I thought we were friends and when I need just five minutes I was ghosted. I know better people are coming, taller soulmates are coming, but for now, I’m in pain.
Things I know for sure
– Wathe urihagirwo thie (dunia duara/ what goes around comes around) I’ve ghosted others and I believe my karma was served hot. As of 2025, I will leave a little goodbye note before burning bridges.
– My soulmate is 5’9 and above. Thank you!
I close my eyes and I burning sensation floods my chest. You mean, I didn’t make an impact big enough for these four people to linger… To leave the door open, or maybe a crack, leave a note, some form of closure, something, a little something for my soul. They just up and left. I, I wasn’t worthy of a little more? An extra hug. A kiss goodbye? One last walk. One last meal.
As I write this, it crossed my mind that amazing things have happened to me in friendships too. And I will write about them. ♥️🫰🏾
Alexa Play: Ghostika by Kagwe
Read: Is it immoral to ghost someone
Merry Christmas!