This article first appeared in Buk’d and Bougie Newsletter
I have been lucky to have several new beginnings. I love and hate new beginnings as one must die for a new dawn to be born. You see, every new thing I have wished for, I had to give up something. Both processes are painful- gruesome even.
Out with the old
I have been teasing a lot, in fact, I just posted, that I would love to fall in love. The meme read; I miss dating, I would be apologizing for something I did not do. In this case, death would mean me looking at my situation objectively and releasing every belief that no longer serving me.
The birth of the new
To find my soulmate, I will need to date. To date, as I live with my mum, I would have to communicate my whereabouts. Now, this would mean, some sort of ego death and clear communication. To birth the version of me that manages dating in their mother’s house sounds like a sticky tricky situation (I know limiting belief).
To birth a non-procrastinating me, I would have to plan my day. Understand what tasks I should do and what time I should complete them. But, the process of unlearning procrastination and birthing a new me sounds, hectic. The process requires a lot of devotion and sometimes we are too exhausted to birth a new us.
I guess what I am trying to say is, we look forward to new beginnings. But we do not look at the cost of it. We rarely discuss the painful death of old versions of us. Sometimes, when we pray for things, we ought to pray for the wisdom to steer the change we so badly want.
I am not one to leave without a tip. So, if you want a new experience, a new beginning, and you find yourself in the murky waters…I have found remembering something you accomplished helps. No excuses, do not diminish your achievements. You did not achieve it because situations were different, you achieved it because you can. Just look back and gather the courage.
I have found affirmations to be helpful. Repeating ” I am great at what I do” has me feeling like bookstores have an entire section dedicated to my books. Like I sign copies of my new and old books on a daily. Tailor the affirmations to what you need. You will cringe but if I can bring myself to repeat ‘I am love and I am worthy of love’ you can too.
Sometimes, it is not self-confidence we lack. Sometimes we lack self-efficacy. I do not fear performing poetry on Poetry Slam Africa I fear whether I can do it. I was listening to Its Related I Promise, a podcast, and Julie explained Self-efficacy in a way I could relate to. So, to further advance my new life, and new beginnings I must believe I can. I can fall in love. I can receive love.
When Kanny reached out and asked if I would love to write about this. I froze. I wanted to write. The more I write, the better I get, aye? I looked back to everything new beginning I have had. I do not remember a new beginning I had that felt like a relief. I have not had a safe landing into anything new, I arrived tired, bruised, and needing rest. However, society rarely talks about the grief of new beginnings or rather no one walked me through it. So, if you have a new beginning remember it is normal to arrive tired. It is normal to be exhausted.